more afraid to die than I ever was to live
by everfire
Summary: GacktXHYDE The sound of love. Music, sex, and lies. The sound of Rock and roll. Drawn together in an unsuportive world, they will learn that sometimes a person has to die in order to live. ShoXKei KeiXsho They are only a story and yet sometimes real life
1. ﻿Stage fright

He knew for sure. He knew that at least. He was not here to see Gackt. He wouldn't lie to his wife. He stood behind the curtain looking out at the audience. They looked so happy. So secure. He wasn't here to see Gackt. He looked at the performer. His body twisting to the music the sound sending shivers down his spine. Hyde smiled a bit. Gackt was so moved by his music, it lived in him, there was no escape. Hyde had the impression he would die without it. It really was a life or death situation every time he went on stage.

Without realizing it he had managed to spend the whole song gawking at the star. He wasn't here for that. A new song began as Hyde tried to turn away. Every song held so much energy so much of Gackt's soul, but some had a raw attracting power and Hyde felt that power welling up in the opening of the song. He knew this song. Vanilla.

As the song was still starting he was stared down by a guard. The man wasn't impressed with Hyde. This was mostly do tho the fact that he didn't know he was Hyde. He had covered himself quite well and only his fans and...Gackt would be able to tell who he was. The man also had taken a disliking to Hyde due to his lack of enthusiasm for being backstage. The man had know way of knowing that he had been behind this stage many times before and at least he wasn't on it.

This guard was going to make leaving without sharing his identity impossible. Hyde sat down on a crate and sighed. He watched the show. Sitting on the crate was a bad idea. He could feel the vibrations of the drums. The music was filling his whole being. He could feel the need that was dripping off of Gackt's voice. The guitar was beautiful. The sound was perfect. Hyde felt himself reacting. His lips wrapped around the words and sang them softly too. His voice mingling with Gackt's.

Gackt let his gaze scan the area. The crowd was pumping. It was perfect. Sweat was spilling down his face. He grabbed a hold of his guitarist. They were very close, sharing breath. His eyes were glassed with want, need, desire. Gackt let his hands trail over him. The lights were so warm and pressure on them all so great. The whole world seemed to be feeling the same way right now. Everyone felt unfulfilled. Everyone was begging to get closer. He couldn't see straight. His next lines swam between them as the both spoke the words voices mingling.

ah ikutsu asa o mukaereba ah yoru wa owaru no darou ka

ah sora ni chiribamerareta ah shiroi hana ni kakomarete yuku

ah If we welcome how many mornings ah Will the nights probably stop

ah Scattered in the sky ah White flowers surround us

He let his gaze wander only this once, he looked to see the happiest backstage fans, groupies and roadies. He smiled for just a minute, then he saw him. As soon as the words were escaping his mouth they were reflected by the alabaster angel. His soft pale skin flushed and his hair sticking to him do to sweat. He was here. He looked back to his crowd to his band to the world. the only thought in his mind now, he is here.

Hyde kept singing, begging his body to stay still. Listening to Gackt's music felt like sex. Like sweet wild passion that he shared with the world. Hyde's covering had fallen and for a split second it seemed like Gackt had seen him, but that didn't matter. He wasn't here to see Gackt.

The lights dimmed and while the stage tried to cool, the feeling simply overpowered it and It seemed to only heat up. Gackt bet over slightly in the dark and said his one word before the lights returned: iku. Go.

That was the last strand of Hyde's will. His hips began to move to the music softly rocking back and forth. The vibrations sending fire though his skin.

Gackt peeked. For a moment he had panicked thinking he would leave. He had to see, he had to still be there. He turned his head and almost choked on his next words. Hyde was bent back like a bow, his head thrown back in lust, biting his bottom lip till it bled. His whole body was reacting to the sound, his whole being processed by the music. His hips ground the air as if waiting for an invisible lover. His body kept moving higher as if trying to find something to make contact to, someone to release him from the spell, to join him in the dance. His movements got more desperate. Plunging deeper, harder, faster. Listening as I ordered for just that. It was like watching someone ballroom dancing on their own. Beautiful and lonely.

Even though he was doing that he still seemed so pure. His hands rested behind him holding him off the crate. He let the music take him, rub him release him. His hips waiting to meld with the sound. He moved so fast, so rhythmic, in perfect time with the song. In the last few seconds of the song he lifted to his highest point and stopped strung like a bow. Shivers ran through Gackt as he saw the music let Hyde go. His whole body shuddered and then he fell to the crate blood dripping down his chin. His beautiful skin white, his hair stuck to his face with sweat, his eyes deep and boundless, An alabaster angel once again.

"Gackt?" The voice of his band-mate seemed to bring him momentarily out of his post show staring contest with the curtain. His eyes lit with sudden remembered bliss.

"He...He..." Gackt seemed unable to explain in words what he had experienced.

"What were you doing during the end of the show? You sang but kept looking off-stage instead of at the audience." He trailed off when he saw a small smile creep onto his usually stone face.

"He was here." He ended lamely.


	2. Watching you sleep

Chapter 2 : watching you sleep

His pale face contorted into agony. I could almost see the images flash past his closed lids. I sighed and leaned against the wall. I felt myself blink again and again. I shook myself gently and looked back at Kei. My alabaster devil had calmed down it seemed.

The faint smile that crept upon his features appeared almost saintly. I reached out for his hand tenderly and slipped my fingers between his not holding his hand just entwining our fingers. It felt so natural to touch him. So perfect to hear him breathe. I wondered for just a moment what it would be like to be alone, if he just left me behind. I closed my eye determined not to cry about the emptiness I felt. This must be how he felt I thought. Knowing that one day I'll have to leave him.

Page Break

I opened my eyes and had the strange sensation that I had just been kissed. I tried to sit up and was alerted by something touching my hand and holding me down. I looked down to see Sho's hand entwined in mine. His face had sparkly salt trails down his cheeks. I felt myself smile softly before I had a chance to think. I scowled. He had been crying...why? Confused and slightly worried I reached out and pulled on him gently.

Page break

I was wrapped in warm arms, held close in tight. I felt safe, secure, at home. Some reason everything felt soft. HM... my hand is holding something I look down and I was clutching a key. I believe moment the key was moving, pulsating. It moving away from me, trying to escape.

Then I felt a push... a harder suddenly I was falling. I opened my mouth to scream but couldn't. I opened my eyes.

Page break

I watched as he stood up yawning slightly. He smiled at me for moment. I felt his hand entwine with mine before I had time to react. I looked up at his body was so close to me we were sharing air.

Page break

The beauty before me had fear and confusion deep in his eyes. His Devil's glint barely a speck in their shiny surface now. I saw his pain as plain as if it had been streaming down his face. I wished I could wipe this pain away like I could tears.

Kei never cried.

Page break

His hand reached out to touch my face. I almost cringed at the contact. Sho looked like he was going to cry again. I suddenly felt useless. I couldn't do anything. It's I reach my hand out to wipe the dried sparkly tears from his face.

Page break

Kei looked so confused and desperate. His soft hands brushing my face. There was no need for words. He pulled my head to my chest and kissed my hair I knew he was alive by this. He was just like me, his heart was beating and he was breathing. He wasn't a monster. Not to me.

Page break scene change

For moment I felt simply displaced, that I felt very displaced. I was not at home, I was not in bed with my loving wife, and I seem to recollect telling her that that was where a plan to be.

I racked my brain...Gackt Is all the came to mind, great. I was still here at a stadium I wasn't playing out and buy the sum of things in a room that Gackt had at least been in recently. Is we develop smelled platinum.

"You're cute when you sleep." That voice, his voice, his sweet vanilla, honey colored, sex with a rock star and a bottle voice. I shivered a little.

"Were you watching me?" I asked the stupid question looking away feeling like I was drowning in his daredevil, you know you want with the all a over with sex scented pudding attitude.

"Yes." He smiled. Gackt had a sex God smile, a smirk more like.

"Why?" I decide stupid became me being used it as my current defense mechanism.

"I like to watch you breathe it lets me know you that you're alive."

Authors note: it's so cute. This actually happens Gackt wrote about it in his autobiography. I couldn't help but use it though even though it actually sort of did happen I mean he didn't actually fall asleep when he went to a thing and all other stuff from Chapter 1 but he did watch hide sleeping and tells him that he has a cute face when he sleeps. I finally brought in Sho and Kei. Unfortunately I couldn't find a place for them in Chapter 1. I like how this turned out though the sort of crossover feeling is exactly what I'm looking for. I think a lot of people were scared to review for my first chapter but I would really appreciate it if you would review this one. I mean it's fluff people come on it was cute. So...

**Thank you for reading and please review:-) **


End file.
